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WILBUR BUMCRACKSON

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WILBUR BUMCRACKSON

WILBUR Wilbur ‘The Wrench’ Bumcrackson was born in 1942, the illegitimate son of a cleaner in the Mayor’s office. As was the custom in those days, he did not take his mother’s surname but like all the illegitimate children was registered as ‘Bumcrackson’. Far from being a stigma this allowed license in his teens and twenties to have sex with any town girl, since it could never be proved (in the days before DNA testing) that she might be a cousin, half sister or even full sister. At the age of 16 he started work at Bumcrack Autos just as the Edsel was launched and he quickly became an expert at maintaining these cars, a skill he retains to this day. looking after the Mayor’s immaculately preserved example of this now very rare automobile. He is always seen in an Edsel shirt. The garage were given 200 of these to give out to customers but as they only ever sold 2 Wilbur is still working his way through the stock of 198 at a rate of 3 a year and now has just 17 left. Wilbur never married but enjoyed an active life with many of the town’s women, several of whom were also Bumcracksons, but though there were a number of pregnancies for which he might have been responsible none of the children showed any signs of inbred degeneracy. Now in his mid 70’s, Wilbur has slowed down but still appreciates the female form, particularly if well endowed above the waist. “Can’t deny it”, he says, “I’m a sucker for big tits!” He regrets that his job never paid enough to stretch to one of Ella Boomer’s $500 ‘haircuts’.